This statement rang true through my marriage and even after divorce. I will never forget it. "Love is a decision" applies to everything you do. You can love your job, your kids and your spouse. Although there are many forms of love, love should not be confused with sex, lust or that feeling of novelty/newness you once had in a relationship. It took me a long time to figure it out but once I did my whole attitude and outlook on life changed.
First ask yourself what love is. Maybe you don't want love but just the feeling of being in love (which is often confused with lust we just don't realize it). After reading countless books to try and save my marriage, I came to the conclusion that I could not change my spouse or change how she felt about me. However, what I could change is how I felt. I could even change how I felt about her. Making the decision to love someone in the midst of emotional and mental pain is no easy task. It happened possibly a little too late for me. But today I can say I still love my ex-wife. It doesn't mean you love what your spouse has done or is doing. You may be bitter and even vengeful. Make a decision to love your spouse no matter what the outcome is. You will feel be better about yourself.
Once you make the decision to love, let your actions speak for you. You do not have to tell your spouse you love them, wait on him/her or walk on eggshells . As a matter of fact if you push the "love speech" on them, they will pull away from you. I tried all the begging, pleading etc and it does not work. Look for joy in everything you do whether or not it has anything to do with your spouse. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. Just because it may be raining outside, does not mean you have to have a bad day. All marriages have problems. Yours is not unique. Make a decision to love.
Since I am a Christian, I turned to Christian books and The Bible to help me find answers. I was probably on information overload. However, I learned what true love is, made a decision to love my spouse and I learned to "let go and let God" work in my life. My marriage breakdown did not happen overnight and I was responsible for part of it. I can't change the past but today I can change how I feel by making a decision to Love.
I would encourage you and pray for you to find out what love is, make a decision to love and leave the rest to God. Make it a part of your life. I was amazed at how better I felt despite my circumstance.
I have started to chronical my journey at http://www.marriagehelplinks.com as time permits.
